So another month has gone by and I have failed to post a blog. Silly me. This summer is turning out to be just what I hoped it would be and not at all how I imagined it to be. Does that even make sense?
I've been learning that expectations have to be realistic. Goals have to be realistic. Plans have to be made. Tasks have to be accomplished. Everything worth fighting for is, well, hard work. I can make a list of the things I (me, myself, and I, Cassandra Winkert) want to accomplish. But without seeking guidance from my best friend, Jesus, I will accomplish nothing. The process of losing self hurts excruciatingly. I want to give up a lot because I am so scared of failing. Duh. Of course I'll fail when I try to do things in my own strength. I might trick myself into thinking I'm doing really well on my own for awhile, but ultimately it will fall apart. And I'm not just saying that. I know it happens.
Where do I even begin to recap all that has happened this past month?
Well,I have been working at the church a couple days a week for the past six weeks now. Hard to believe!!! We spent time removing wall paper from the nursery and taking off the glue. The whole nursery has been redone with new carpeting and yellow walls! It looks wonderful. We also took down the wall paper in the hallway and coat closet. Let me tell you, I refuse to ever put up wallpaper in my house! It is not worth the trouble of taking it down!!! The plan is to paint the hallway, put tile in the hallway, remove the carpet in the auditorium, put new carpet in the auditorium and wood floor on the stage. It's quite a big job but I am thankful for all I am learning from the Hammon's family about renovating! The hard work will pay off!
Two weeks ago, I went to NIH for a pre-screening visit for a health study that I might be participating in. At this visit, I was weighed. Let me tell you, I was shocked at the number on the scale. I've struggled with my weight since high school, but I never thought it would go as far as it has.
So you know what I did? I joined weight watchers. My mother had done it before and my pastor's wife Ms. Holly had before. The system seems to work. It makes sense, really. Its all about portion control. You get a set number of points based on your height and weight. You stay within those daily points to lose an average of 1-2 pounds a week. Slow and steady weight loss! You also get a weekly allowance of points to use whenever you want and you can also earn points with physical activity! It's so easy and fits right into my life.
I knew I couldn't go on a program that requires 4-5 hours of exercise a day when I have so many other things that I need to do this summer. Honestly, even if I was able to do that everyday this summer, there is no way I could maintain that for the rest of my life. I needed a program that fit into my life and taught me how to eat healthy. 4-5 hours of exercise a day sounds a bit obsessive to me, although I applaud people that are able to do it. I needed a lifestyle change and I have definitely found it.
I am proud to say that I am 9 pounds lighter than I was two weeks ago. I am excited where this program will take me over the next year. I have been learning to make realistic goals with myself. I can't expect what has taken years to be, to come off in two months. This will definitely be a test of diligence. I also have to keep my motivation in line. I don't want motivation to be about self-image. It's not about me. I want to do this so I can be best equipped for whatever the lord has in store for my life. Honestly, I am terrified of failing, I am even super nervous about posting this blog because I am being so vulnerable. I don't want people to see me fail. But I know that accountability and encouragement is essential to any new discipline.
My strength comes from the Lord.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
I relearned the importance of Jesus time.
So I've been home for almost a week and have begun to notice that some of my discipline that I worked towards this semester slowly seemed to be slipping. Staying in the Word is a choice I must make consciously every single day. Why would I want to go one day without spending time learning about Jesus?
I plan to become an "organization freak" this summer. I've started making my lists, marking my calendar, organizing my priorities, and so on. I want to be consistent and diligent in following my schedules and getting my work done this summer. I can talk about these things that I want to do all I want, but I need to actually do it!
In the time I spent in the word today, I read some pretty amazing things. Things that I often take for granted. For the past semester, I have meditated on Ephesians 1:3-10. I was going through those verses again tonight. As God's child, I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. God chose me!!! Before the foundation of the world. You know what that means? He chose me before I even existed! I couldn't have done anything to merit such favor. I found myself thinking "Jesus, that doesn't make sense. Why would you choose such a wretched person, enslaved to sinful passions and selfish desires, for righteousness- to bring you honor and glory!"
Unworthy.
That's what we are!
In verse 4 of chapter one, it goes on to say that God's purpose for this salvation is to make us holy and blameless. He makes the unrighteous righteous and the unworthy worthy.
"In love, He predestined us for adoption as sons..." He did it for love. My search for love ends at the cross and the redeeming work of a savior who humbly bowed his head down and died that I might live for His glory and no longer for myself.
In my MacArthur study bible, when talking about this verse it says "Human parents can bestow their love, resources, and inheritance on an adopted child but not their own distinct characteristics." But God does! For those that He chose and those that believed by faith through grace, He imparts His very nature. I am overwhelmed! I not only receive Christ's blessings, but His very nature?
Verse 6 is even more amazing. It says this is all done "...to the praise of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the beloved." When I was reading this verse a couple months ago I skipped over it because I didn't understand it fully...that was dumb! The "which" is referring to God's unmerited favor (grace). God blessed us through Christ being a propitiation and substitution for our sins. He imputed righteousness to our account because of Jesus! We are accepted by God.
I am beloved of God. Now I must live like it.
I plan to become an "organization freak" this summer. I've started making my lists, marking my calendar, organizing my priorities, and so on. I want to be consistent and diligent in following my schedules and getting my work done this summer. I can talk about these things that I want to do all I want, but I need to actually do it!
In the time I spent in the word today, I read some pretty amazing things. Things that I often take for granted. For the past semester, I have meditated on Ephesians 1:3-10. I was going through those verses again tonight. As God's child, I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. God chose me!!! Before the foundation of the world. You know what that means? He chose me before I even existed! I couldn't have done anything to merit such favor. I found myself thinking "Jesus, that doesn't make sense. Why would you choose such a wretched person, enslaved to sinful passions and selfish desires, for righteousness- to bring you honor and glory!"
Unworthy.
That's what we are!
In verse 4 of chapter one, it goes on to say that God's purpose for this salvation is to make us holy and blameless. He makes the unrighteous righteous and the unworthy worthy.
"In love, He predestined us for adoption as sons..." He did it for love. My search for love ends at the cross and the redeeming work of a savior who humbly bowed his head down and died that I might live for His glory and no longer for myself.
In my MacArthur study bible, when talking about this verse it says "Human parents can bestow their love, resources, and inheritance on an adopted child but not their own distinct characteristics." But God does! For those that He chose and those that believed by faith through grace, He imparts His very nature. I am overwhelmed! I not only receive Christ's blessings, but His very nature?
Verse 6 is even more amazing. It says this is all done "...to the praise of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the beloved." When I was reading this verse a couple months ago I skipped over it because I didn't understand it fully...that was dumb! The "which" is referring to God's unmerited favor (grace). God blessed us through Christ being a propitiation and substitution for our sins. He imputed righteousness to our account because of Jesus! We are accepted by God.
I am beloved of God. Now I must live like it.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Home
So I am home. Another close to a wonderful year filled with learning, laughter, and life lessons I will never forget. I can hardly believe I am a junior in college now. Where has all the time go? I can clearly remember my first day of 4th grade which was my first day in a school setting. I remember all the excitement and anticipation of all that I would do and become in the years ahead. Now here I am, 11 years late, reflecting on all that I have been blessed with. It's unreal.
My long anticipate summer at home has finally begun. Day 1 was Mother's day. My brothers and I bought my mother a bunch of random little gift items and red roses. My mom is seriously the best mom ever. She is the best one for me. We went to church in the morning and then went to a Burmese restaurant with a lot of my extended family. We spent the majority of the day with them.
So here goes my first "real" day of summer. I woke up later than anticipated, which really was not a surprise. I am still trying to get a lot of my summer plans in order. It seems like there is SO much that I want to accomplish this summer, but I know I am going to have to take it one day at a time and be diligent to get it all done. God has been faithful, and He will continue to be all the days of my life.
Here's to a summer of a growing closer to Jesus, changing habits, and enjoying family. Let's do this.
My long anticipate summer at home has finally begun. Day 1 was Mother's day. My brothers and I bought my mother a bunch of random little gift items and red roses. My mom is seriously the best mom ever. She is the best one for me. We went to church in the morning and then went to a Burmese restaurant with a lot of my extended family. We spent the majority of the day with them.
So here goes my first "real" day of summer. I woke up later than anticipated, which really was not a surprise. I am still trying to get a lot of my summer plans in order. It seems like there is SO much that I want to accomplish this summer, but I know I am going to have to take it one day at a time and be diligent to get it all done. God has been faithful, and He will continue to be all the days of my life.
Here's to a summer of a growing closer to Jesus, changing habits, and enjoying family. Let's do this.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
You can have me- Sidewalk Prophets
I just heard this song for the first time and decided to look up the lyrics. This is pretty much the prayer of my heart right now.
If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love you enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father,
You can have me
If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love you enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father,
You can have me
Monday, March 28, 2011
Big Plans?
Summer. It's been on my mind since....last September? I also tend to worry about my summer plans. The summer of 2009 was a big one for me. I graduated High School that May, which was a pretty big deal I guess. I went to Ghana, Africa that summer. I went to Florida to visit my nana. I went to Teen leadership conference and I counseled at Camp Tohigo. It was a big summer.
Last summer, I worked as a counselor for the majority of time at New Life Island. It was a life changing experience because I had always wanted to work as a camp counselor for a summer. It was stretching. It was uncomfortable. It was a valuable experience. It was big.
SO in getting ready for this coming summer, I was stressed beyond belief. I applied for a bunch of things but had no real desire to do any of them. My heart was longing to be at home. It's been awhile since I've been at home for more than a month at a time. I truly feel that God has led me to be at home this summer and at first it was somewhat of a "let-down", going from having huge summers the past two years. But somehow I have this feeling that this summer is going to be unlike any I have ever had.
I am scared. I have almost no friends at home. I haven't lived with my family for a long enough period of time to get really upset and fight. I haven't been involved in my home church since high school, and even then I can't say I was super involved. I've changed and I've grown, and it will be different to go home where things have changed as well. I can't expect things to always be the same.
This summer I have big plans. And by the grace of God, I hope to achieve these goals.
1. Fall more in love with my Precious Savior (Which entails A LOT )
2. Spend time with my family
3. Learn how to cook well, sew, and clean.
3. Maintain a summer job
4. 30 day shred everday
5. Get super involved in my home church
6. Counsel at teen leadership conference
Even just looking at that list, I can see that God is going to do big things in my life this summer and I know he will honor diligence and discipline. I pray for His strength!
Last summer, I worked as a counselor for the majority of time at New Life Island. It was a life changing experience because I had always wanted to work as a camp counselor for a summer. It was stretching. It was uncomfortable. It was a valuable experience. It was big.
SO in getting ready for this coming summer, I was stressed beyond belief. I applied for a bunch of things but had no real desire to do any of them. My heart was longing to be at home. It's been awhile since I've been at home for more than a month at a time. I truly feel that God has led me to be at home this summer and at first it was somewhat of a "let-down", going from having huge summers the past two years. But somehow I have this feeling that this summer is going to be unlike any I have ever had.
I am scared. I have almost no friends at home. I haven't lived with my family for a long enough period of time to get really upset and fight. I haven't been involved in my home church since high school, and even then I can't say I was super involved. I've changed and I've grown, and it will be different to go home where things have changed as well. I can't expect things to always be the same.
This summer I have big plans. And by the grace of God, I hope to achieve these goals.
1. Fall more in love with my Precious Savior (Which entails A LOT )
2. Spend time with my family
3. Learn how to cook well, sew, and clean.
3. Maintain a summer job
4. 30 day shred everday
5. Get super involved in my home church
6. Counsel at teen leadership conference
Even just looking at that list, I can see that God is going to do big things in my life this summer and I know he will honor diligence and discipline. I pray for His strength!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Spring Cleaning?
I am one of those people that likes to collect "stuff". I like to keep objects that remind me of certain places I have been, people I have met, and things I have done. I also like to be prepared. I like to have things in stock, just in case of an emergency. I have more clothes than any female should be allowed to have and more shoes than I actually wear.
The funny thing is, I don't use more than half of the stuff that I own, I just hold onto it "just in case" the need comes for me to use it. I am terrified of getting rid of this "stuff" that I own, because I think I will one day need it. In reality, this stuff clutters my life. It makes me frustrated, it makes my life a mess. I think I need it to make me happy and safe, but the truth is, I don't.
The same thing can be said about the conditions of our hearts. The very sanctuary in which the Holy Spirit dwells within. We hold onto our secret sins, our impure relationships, our wicked thoughts, our critical spirits, our selfish motivations, and our fear of complete surrender. The list goes on. We hold onto these things trying to convince ourselves that we need them, that these things will somehow make us happier and get us what we want. But deep down inside we know that we can't fool ourselves, and even more we know we can't fool God.
The deepest longing of the human heart is to be satisfied. To be content. To be loved. Only God can give us full and complete satisfaction through Him. Nothing else. This sort of intimacy with God cannot happen with a heart that allows itself to be controlled by garbage. It literally hurts when I think about how much we settle. How much I settle. I settle for the ever so fleeting momentary pleasure. Why?
I have been reading through 1 Peter for the past month now. In chapter 2, verse 1-3 say
"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good."
My heart is so cluttered with these things. My motivations are all about self. My thoughts are impure. I fear total and complete surrender. I have a critical spirit and am quick to judge others. I hold onto to former sins and try to claim the guilt that is no longer mine. My sanctuary is full of garbage. I don't build my life around Christ, rather I try to make Him just a "part" of my life.
I desire with all my heart to love Jesus. But it is going to require more than just words. It requires surrender. It requires taking out the trash. It requires presenting myself to Christ for change. No amount of "following the rules" or trying to "appease" Christ will make me better with God. It's about obedience. More than anything, I want intimacy with my precious savior because of what He has done for me. He washed, he made me white as snow, he desires a relationship with me. No one loves me more than Him.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is time for a bit of "spring cleaning". Yes, I need to get rid of the material junk in my life, but more importantly it is time that my inner sanctuary have a good cleaning. It's time to take out the trash.
The funny thing is, I don't use more than half of the stuff that I own, I just hold onto it "just in case" the need comes for me to use it. I am terrified of getting rid of this "stuff" that I own, because I think I will one day need it. In reality, this stuff clutters my life. It makes me frustrated, it makes my life a mess. I think I need it to make me happy and safe, but the truth is, I don't.
The same thing can be said about the conditions of our hearts. The very sanctuary in which the Holy Spirit dwells within. We hold onto our secret sins, our impure relationships, our wicked thoughts, our critical spirits, our selfish motivations, and our fear of complete surrender. The list goes on. We hold onto these things trying to convince ourselves that we need them, that these things will somehow make us happier and get us what we want. But deep down inside we know that we can't fool ourselves, and even more we know we can't fool God.
The deepest longing of the human heart is to be satisfied. To be content. To be loved. Only God can give us full and complete satisfaction through Him. Nothing else. This sort of intimacy with God cannot happen with a heart that allows itself to be controlled by garbage. It literally hurts when I think about how much we settle. How much I settle. I settle for the ever so fleeting momentary pleasure. Why?
I have been reading through 1 Peter for the past month now. In chapter 2, verse 1-3 say
"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good."
My heart is so cluttered with these things. My motivations are all about self. My thoughts are impure. I fear total and complete surrender. I have a critical spirit and am quick to judge others. I hold onto to former sins and try to claim the guilt that is no longer mine. My sanctuary is full of garbage. I don't build my life around Christ, rather I try to make Him just a "part" of my life.
I desire with all my heart to love Jesus. But it is going to require more than just words. It requires surrender. It requires taking out the trash. It requires presenting myself to Christ for change. No amount of "following the rules" or trying to "appease" Christ will make me better with God. It's about obedience. More than anything, I want intimacy with my precious savior because of what He has done for me. He washed, he made me white as snow, he desires a relationship with me. No one loves me more than Him.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is time for a bit of "spring cleaning". Yes, I need to get rid of the material junk in my life, but more importantly it is time that my inner sanctuary have a good cleaning. It's time to take out the trash.
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