Have you ever had one of those days when you come up with a large number of things you want to do and change about your life? Recently, I feel like I've been having "one of those days" where that is all I have been doing. And it is exciting.
I think the hardest part is just beginning. For me, my biggest fear is failing and people seeing me fail. I think that is what has held me back from doing A LOT of stuff. My fear of failing comes from my pride. I want people to see myself a certain way, so I end up doing very little that would alter their "foggy" impression of me. For a long time I thought that if someone did not have a set idea of who I am, I was fine. It's better they not know.
BUT do I really want that? Not anymore. Honestly, I realize I have been to concerned with how people perceive ME to be, not who I am in Christ. It's selfish, really. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps.139), what have I to be afraid of? People's judgment of me? No. Not obeying God? Yes. My pride has kept me from getting to know other people, building relationships, and focusing on other people's hurt. My generation is SO wrapped up in getting things now and not later. Patience is something that is learned through practice. Consumed with self, we fail to see anything but the now. Instant gratification is what we want.
I am by no means wise or a person with all the answers. I am learning, which is a life long process. I just don't want to waste anymore time being afraid of failure. My biggest battle is stepping outside of my comfort zone and learning to trust in the Lord without leaning on my own understanding of my experiences. But I have a feeling that once I do step out, it won't be as difficult as I thought.
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