The Shred.

Wow, so it has been almost two weeks since I have been back at school and 3 weeks since I have written a blog post! I wish I could write about every single little thing that God has been teaching me all in this post, but I will spread it out :)

So here is to being completely transparent. 

I have struggled with my weight since I was probably around 9 or 10 years old.  I am 18, turning 19 next week.  I remember every summer after 7th grade, I would promise myself that I would lose a ton of weight before the new school year. Ultimately, I would fail.  Probably because I never had a real plan or lacked the motivation.  My reasons for doing so were completely wrapped in selfishness. 

11 Days ago, I started Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and I absolutely love it! Its 27 minutes of intense exercise, using the 3-2-1 circuit technique.  3 minutes of strength, 2 of cardio, and 1 of abs, then repeated twice.

This morning I was in my room looking at my closet and I realized how much clothes I have that I don't feel comfortable wearing.  So I came up with this idea to take all of that clothes and put it in a bin.  This bin is part of my goal, to empty it in the months to come.  Each month I will take measurements and try on clothes in my bin.  This whole process could take anywhere from 6 months to a year, but I am ready for it.  I am ready to work hard and do this.  My suitemate Emily Miller has agreed to do so with me.  It's always better when you have a buddy!!!


God has been so good with providing me the strength and energy to do this program and I am so excited to keep doing it!

Have you ever had one of those days when you come up with a large number of things you want to do and change about your life? Recently, I feel like I've been having "one of those days"  where that is all I have been doing. And it is exciting.

 I think the hardest part is just beginning.  For me, my biggest fear is failing and people seeing me fail.  I think that is what has held me back from doing A LOT of stuff.  My fear of failing comes from my pride.  I want people to see myself a certain way,  so I end up doing very little that would alter their "foggy" impression of me.  For a long time I thought that if someone did not have a set idea of who I am, I was fine. It's better they not know. 

BUT do I really want that? Not anymore.  Honestly, I realize I have been to concerned with how people perceive ME to be, not who I am in Christ.  It's selfish, really.  I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps.139), what have I to be afraid of? People's judgment of me?  No.  Not obeying God? Yes.  My pride has kept me from getting to know other people, building relationships, and focusing on other people's hurt.  My generation is SO wrapped up in getting things now and not later.  Patience is something that is learned through practice.  Consumed with self, we fail to see anything but the now. Instant gratification is what we want.

I am by no means wise or a person with all the answers.  I am learning, which is a life long process. I just don't want to waste anymore time being afraid of failure.  My biggest battle is stepping outside of my comfort zone and learning to trust in the Lord without leaning on my own understanding of my experiences.  But I have a feeling that once I do step out, it won't be as difficult as I thought.

Dead to Sin, Alive to God

Sin. It's ugly. It's consuming.  It's destructive.  And God hates it.  If this is so, why do I often let it control my life? It brings only temporary pleasure and separates us from communion with God.

This past Sunday, my pastor preached a message on Romans 6 and it completely blew my mind.  It's one of those passages that I seem to have read multiple times but never meditated upon.  As a daughter of the King, why do I let sin take precedence in my life? Its easy to keep our sins hidden and private so no one can see. I know this too well. 

During the service, I sat there completely overwhelmed with how great my sin is.  A heart with sin that is not confessed is heavy.  Sometimes I have felt like the more I sin, I move farther and farther away from God.  I'm ashamed to come back into His presence because He sees me for who I truly am. 

But though my sin is great, God's grace is abundant:

"Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. "  Romans 5:20-21

God always forgives the sins of those who confess. ALL of our sins.  So why do we beat ourselves up over our sins? If we confess and turn away, He is faithful to forgive us.  I understand that I can't continue to live the way I want.  It's amazing to think that Christ only had to die once for the sins of all mankind! He didn't have to die over and over again! We cannot lose our salvation.  Being dead to our sins should be part of who we are after receiving Christ. There is victory over sin because as child of God, I am no longer a slave to sin!

Why am I so surprised that I would hear this message exactly when I needed to? It's no coincidence. God is faithful.  I cannot begin to comprehend His steadfast love.  I fail constantly, yet His grace covers my sin.  When He looks at me, He sees His son. So here's to claiming the victory over sin that Christ has won.

Something New

So this is my attempt at keeping some sort of a blog. This is something I have always wanted to do but never had the time for or the motivation.  SO I figure why not start at the beginning of a new year.

I see the new year as not a time to box up the bad memories from the past year, but as a way to remember and to learn.  This process that we so often hate is what teaches us the most. It teaches us that love and forgiveness go hand in hand and that what we want for ourselves is not always what God wants for us. And I’m still learning to want what God wants.